Creepy Voodoo Message: Amazon.com Knows My Soul

November 26, 2007 at 8:18 am | Posted in Books, Quirks, Self | 5 Comments

Together with one of my writing professors, I managed to put a positive spin on my penchance for procrastination.  Rather than putting things off, ignoring important deadlines, and “being lazy,” I experience what we deemed an incubation period in the creative process.  Unfortunately for the fate of finished projects, the incubation period for some of my ideas has lasted several years. 

One particular procrastination episode verged on psychosis, and Amazon.com enabled me.  I was procrastinating as only the lazy and tense can do (this is an ugly combination of personality traits, which I manifest by alternately chain-smoking and serial-napping) in the writing of my undergad thesis.  I decided I simply couldn’t move forward until I learned how to overcome my habit of procrastination from experts.  Ordinarily, Amazon.com delivers books faster than a Spring Breaker in Cancun flashes her boobs for Mardi Gras beads.  Yet this time, the company tested the outer limits of the “delivered within 10-14 business days” guideline.  I refused to move forward on my thesis until I read the books on procrastination and absorbed their lessons.  And to keep myself busy in the meantime, I engaged in binge-drinking and artfully dodging my thesis advisor’s irritated phone calls about my progress.

Jump to the present, seven years after I finished my thesis.  Amazon.com sends me an email, recommending a book called Self-Discipline in Ten Days: How to Go From Thinking to Doing.  Cripes! Amazon.com, how did you know? My loved ones see me as totally together, even driven.  They know not my dark, lazy side.  I hide my lolly-gagging nature well, yet Amazon gently prods me away from day-dreaming and toward action in the form of marketing emails. 

What’s next in your witchy bag of tricks, Amazon.com? Stop Being Snide in Thirty Days: You’re Not That Bitchy, Are You?

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5 Comments »

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  1. I blogged!

  2. By the way, I’m looking forward to hearing all about your first day at the new office!

  3. Spoooooky Amazon! Everything you wrote just made me miss you, somehow we both found a way to be lazy and occasionally push each other. But the lazy chain smoking is fun!

    How was your first day?

  4. Cripes, that last comment was from me, I didn’t know Hubby had signed into your site, sorry!

  5. Stephanie: tried to look at your site, but the computer I’m now using SUCKS and I almost went blind. But I saw something about a buggy trauma!

    Kelly: That’s funny…hubby had to respond to the post about soccer. I can’t imagine him being lazy!

    The first day was interesting…none of the first day jitters, since I have known everyone at work for a while. The first staff meeting was weird though, probably for all of us, because they were discussing past events at the center that I was the only one around for! Weird to have a new staff member that knows about what happened before you got here.


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