A Semi-Ode to Testosterone

February 7, 2008 at 12:39 pm | Posted in Quirks, Self | 5 Comments

When I was teaching ESL in Woonsocket, I was constantly surrounded by women.  I definitely felt a lack of testosterone-infused presence, so much so that I was hungry for a little masculinity.

See, I absolutely adore men.  I love how the air gets warmer when they’re around and the atmosphere changes.  It must be the pheremones, but if a particularly fine specimen is in my orbit, my ears start buzzing.  And if he smells good, I get dizzy.

I adore how they walk, especially when they saunter like a cat.  The phrase “a long cool drink of water” springs to mind when I watch the ones who move slowly.  I love when it seems they’ve got a bass beat throbbing in their ear and it’s mirrored in the rhythm of their walk.  I love to watch them in their element, be it a baggy-pants swagger down a city sidewalk or a shirtless, shoeless fisherman’s spring over the edge of his boat into the water. 

And I could go on and on about their voices, the deeper the better.  Get me on the phone with a deep-voiced slow talker, and I feel like I’m swimming in mercury.  I hear the way they maneuver the language they feel most at home with, and it’s like pouring warm water from a gourd down my back. 

I fall in love in little ways countless times a day, even if it’s only for an instant. 

But they’ve always got one fatal flaw that uncovers itself after a while.  Not the little quirks that every person has that may be irritating but forgivable.  But the giant, yawning flaws that make me wonder what in God’s name is going through their brain.  Case in point: an old, old friend who is smart, articulate, and funny as hell.  All good, until upon further examination you realize that he has no impulse control.  If you piss him off, he will pounce on you like a hyena or verbally abuse you until you cry.

It’s this kind of weirdness that seems ingrained in each and every man I know.  It’s just a matter of time before the exact nature of a man’s profoundly strange psyche becomes apparent.



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  1. Your writing in this blog is staggering. You made me all sleepy-eyed and warm.

  2. Hola Melissa! Just want you to know that I am reading your blog whenever I have a chance and enjoying it immensely!

    I hope all is well with you and “homeboy!” 😉

  3. Thank you so much, Heather! I’m glad you enjoyed, but I do so wish that I could be a little more upbeat. Ya know?

    Hola, Catiana! Espero que todo este bien contigo y Arturo. Thanks for saying hello.

  4. Lovely post!

    Haha, yes – the men-folk can be such weirdos sometimes.

  5. Thanks God women are simple.

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